With Love comes Pain
by KaseyBeth
Summary: "Your parents are going to kill me!" Skye said as she dragged a half-conscious Josh towards his house. Thunder clapped overhead and the rain continued to beat down into the ground turning the dusty dirt into sticky slushy mud. Josh clung to Skye like she was a life raft, "Chill babe, it's all good." he slurred. (Drunk Josh)
1. Misunderstood

Chapter One

_Josh POV_

Josh stumbled towards his house. He couldn't believe he'd talked Skye into dragging him OTG to drink. God his head hurt and his chest ached. Damn Hunter. Josh stopped for a second and bent down to catch his breath. He grabbed his side as his lungs filled with air and sharp pain lit up his chest. He had bruises covering his side; he knew this and it was because of Hunter. Hunter had caught him and Skye making out in the nook of a tree; basically it went all downhill from there, literally.

Josh stood up again feeling pain shoot through his head. Wonderful, if his parents didn't kill him for going OTG again and getting drunk, then this headache sure would. Josh knew he would be in some serious trouble when he got home for more than just one reason. First off, it was way past curfew and he didn't check in with his dad before he left so they didn't know where he was. Secondly he was pretty sure he looked like shit because he felt like it. His ribs hurt from where Hunter had punched him, his head ached from having it slammed into the ground and he was pretty sure he had dried blood and dirt caked on his face and knuckles. No doubt Hunter did a number on him but at least he had the decency to say sorry after a while- well that probably had something to do with Skye; she refused to ride back with them and made Hunter and Josh ride together in a separate Rover. Oh, thirdly, Josh could still feel a little buzz from Moonshine and he was almost positive he reeked of the stuff since Hunter had pushed him into it.

Josh reached his house and silently stood outside trying to determine who exactly was up. It had to be past 2am. Josh looked down at his clothes and tried his best to straighten them even though they were covered in blood and dirt. He stood there, listening to the strangely quiet jungle before deciding to go in. As soon as Josh opened the door he wished he hadn't. Both his parents sat at the kitchen table, both talking and grasping a cup of coffee; they looked up as Josh quietly shut the door.

"Josh! What the hell! Where the hell were you?" he heard his father growl. Josh walked into the kitchen and into the light. He saw the look on his father's face grow from anger to instant worry. "Josh, sweetheart, what happened to you?" his mother asked as she got up and went over the sink and wet a paper towel. Josh didn't answer as he walked over to the table and sat in one of the chairs; he figured his father would figure it out sooner or later. Elizabeth came over and handed the towel to her son so he could wipe his face. "Josh sweetie, what happened to you? Where were you? We were really worried about you?" she asked as Josh tried his best to get the blood and grim off his face and knuckles. He looked up feeling pain shoot through his head again and looked over to his father who was watching him intently. "I was Outside the Gate." Josh said quietly.

Jim tensed up remembering the first night they were here and Josh snuck OTG; he almost lost him when Josh and his friends were attacked by a group of Slashers. It took Jim weeks to recover from that. "What! Why Josh?" Jim heard himself saying. He shuddered when he saw Josh wince, his words sounded harsher than he intended them too but dammit he was worried. Didn't Josh know what a stupid idea that was? To go Outside the Gate after the last time, let alone without an adult and at night!

Josh stood up and looked away from his father. He was disappointed and angry enough at himself; he didn't need another person angry at him. He couldn't look into his father's eyes and see the disappointment in them, not tonight. "Wait! Josh were you drinking?" he heard his mother ask; obviously someone would have figured it out eventually. Josh could hear his father suck in a short breath and stole a quick glance at him to see his dad looking at him again but this look was different; it was full of disappointment and… pity. Josh looked over at his sister's door thinking he had heard something. Maddie and Zoe were always his father's favorite; he was more playful with Maddie and Zoe, and he talked to them more; he didn't yell at them; he wasn't disappointed in them like he was Josh. Josh felt his stomach tighten. "Josh, were you drinking?" Josh heard his father repeat. Josh nodded feeling his headache spreading down his neck. "Josh, sweetheart, why?" his mother asked the same exact time his father said "you're grounded." Both older Shannon's looked at each other almost shocked the other had spoken. Josh knew if he wanted to get out of being grounded for the umpteenth time all he had to do was explain to his parents the real reason he went out and got drunk, but he didn't have it in him, not tonight.

"Josh", Josh felt someone touch his shoulder but he didn't want this, he didn't need someone to comfort him, he wasn't a baby. He pushed the hand off his shoulder and looked up to see his mother with a surprised and semi-hurt look on her face. He felt his headache arise again, "S-Sorry, look you can ground me tomorrow. I- I'm tired, I'm going to bed." Josh pushed past his parents, ignoring his father's words "Josh! Josh we're not done here! Come back and talk to us!" He slammed his door shut and sunk onto his bed not bothering to take off his dirty clothes. He heard the low whispers from his parents outside in the kitchen and saw the light go out. There was a soft knock on his door but he didn't bother answering or getting up. "Josh, honey, I want you to know we love you." he heard his mother say softly. Josh didn't turn over to face her or even recognize that he had heard her. He just stayed still registering what she had said until she left. He heard the soft click of his parent's door being shut and rolled over on his back feeling his aching ribs with every movement. He stared at the soft flickering from the shadows outside and felt tears well up in his eyes. He placed a hand on the necklace around his neck as he felt tears roll lazily down his face. God he hated this place so much and how he couldn't communicate with his father. He hated how his father was disappointed in him and how he was always grounded. He hated how no one seemed to understand what he was going through. He choked back a silent sob and thought about the girl he left behind. The girl he had tried so hard to get here only to have her end up dead. God, he missed her so much. _Kara._


	2. With Love comes Pain

Chapter Two

_Josh POV_

"Your parents are going to kill me!" Skye said as she dragged a half-conscious Josh towards his house. Thunder clapped overhead and the rain continued to beat down into the ground turning the dusty dirt into sticky slushy mud. Josh clung to Skye like she was a life raft, "Chill babe, it's all good." he slurred. Damn did he actually sound like that when he was drunk? He sounded like a douche. Josh straightened himself a little suddenly embarrassed after his douche-like outburst. "Yeah, your parents are definitely going to kill me." Skye said again lower than the first time. Josh stopped walking and looked down at Skye. Whether it was the alcohol he had consumed or his gut talking, he let go of Skye. She was right, this wasn't her fault and she didn't deserve to get in trouble for something that had nothing to do with her. Josh shook his head slightly trying to clear his mind, it didn't work. Rain ran down both of their faces and soaked into their clothes. Skye shivered and grabbed his arm and began pulling him towards his house again, "Come on Josh-" she started. Josh took his arm back, "No, go home Skye. This isn't your fault; you don't deserve to get in trouble." She stood still and stared at him probably trying to figure out if this was the alcohol talking. Josh looked towards his house which was only a few yards away; he was sure he could make it there without a problem. "Josh, you're wasted. I mean who's going to explain to your dad what happened? You didn't exactly consume Moonshine here. Boylan tricked you into it and if you go in there without me and try to explain it might not go over so well."

Josh felt his stomach knot. Yes, Boylan had indeed convinced Josh to try some new product sent over by 2149 but he hadn't tricked Josh. Josh knew how much alcohol he was consuming, he had hoped to get drunk- well maybe not as wasted as he was now but he couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't take the pain he felt inside and he didn't want to feel it anymore. First, his father got taken away for two years then returns only to shout orders at Josh; then they arrive in this new and strange place; then Josh makes a deal with the Sixers in order to get his girlfriend here only to have her die as soon as she got here. Because of Josh, his girlfriend had died and he landed his father in the hospital when the bomb went off. "Go home Skye." Josh ordered as he walked towards his house. He didn't stop and turn around even though every instinct told him to; told him to turn around and see if Skye was still standing there in the rain watching him.

He reached his house and stood there for a second hoping the cold rain water would wash away his clouded mind. His head was beginning to pound and he knew he was beginning to come down with a hangover. Great, just what he needed; he should have figured that Boylan's new "2149 product" would come with one hell of a hangover- of course at the time he didn't really care about the consequences. He knew he was wasted and he knew that if his parents were inside sitting at the table there was no way in hell he would be able to hide this from them, I mean hell even though his head seemed a little less clouded than before, he was still disoriented and unbalanced. Josh opened the door as thunder clapped overhead. He stumbled inside and looked over towards the kitchen. Maddie was explaining to her father the probability of seeing yourself in a dream while Zoe colored at the kitchen counter. He saw his mother cooking something at the stove and felt nauseous, food was the last thing he needed right now. "Well isn't this just perfect- one big happy family." Josh slurred as he walked into the kitchen.

Jim looked up and took in the sight of his son, "Are you drunk?" Jim shook his head; of course Josh was drunk; that was a stupid question. Josh stood swaying slightly. The kid looked like he had gotten into a fight; he had a cut on his upper right cheek. His clothes were wet and dirty from the rain outside. Elizabeth looked over at her husband, confusion and concern etched on her face. "Maddie take Zoe into your room until dinner's ready." Jim said not taking his eyes off Josh. This was the second time Josh had come home drunk this month, only last time he had gone OTG with Skye. Josh stood there watching Maddie lead Zoe away. He shook his head again trying to clear up the jumbled and aching mess that was now his brain. "Josh, why on earth would you drink?" Elizabeth asked leading her son to one of the chairs at the table. Josh didn't answer; he looked into her eyes and felt embarrassed again. His mother didn't need to see him like this, no one did, it wasn't right. "Josh answer your mother!" he heard his father say.

Josh ran a hand through his hair feeling more sober than he was a moment ago. He looked up at his father who stood there with his arms crossed over his chest. "Why the fuck not?" he heard himself say before he could even stop. Jim tensed up, unfamiliar with his son's sudden interest in cussing, "Excuse me?" "You heard me," Josh yelled, "you only care about Maddie and Zoe. You don't yell at them as much as me; they're never grounded. Hell I'm probably a big disappointment to you; I see it in your eyes every time I fuck up; every fucking time." Josh felt tears well up in his eyes, "And the first thing you said to me when you broke out of prison was, 'my son has somewhere to be.' You can't just waltz back in here and pretend that nothing ever happened! You can't pretend that you know everything there is to know about me. You were locked up for two years because you couldn't control yourself! I fucking hated you for that!"

Jim stood there for a second shocked at Josh's words. Why in hell would he ever thing he cared more about Zoe and Maddie than him? He cared for all his children equally and couldn't be more proud of them, especially Josh. Josh was strong, he showed Jim that every day and with how much shit Josh has been through. Jim hadn't realized how much Josh thought he had ignored him and it hurt because now Josh was sitting in the kitchen, drunk, in wet clothes with tears streaming down his face. God he felt like an ass but he was also pissed at Josh for getting wasted in the first place. "Josh this doesn't excuse you from going out and getting drunk with your friends. You're grounded all the time because you do stupid things like go get drunk. What the hell were you thinking? Did Skye talk you into it? I mean what the hell possessed you to go and drink in the first place?" Jim shouted back taking a step toward his son. Elizabeth placed a hand on Jim's chest trying to calm him down, "Okay, I think everyone's had a hard long day and we all just need to simmer down for a while."

Josh stared at his father and then glanced at his mother. She stood in front of Jim hoping this heated discussion didn't turn into someone losing their temper. Josh looked into her eyes again and felt bad. She was concerned and I guess she had a right to be; this was the second time he'd come home drunk but last time it wasn't as bad. She looked hurt emotionally and that hurt Josh. Josh sighed feeling his head pound again and his stomach turn. Elizabeth seemed satisfied with her son's sigh and dropped her hand from Jim's chest. She looked at both her husband and Josh, "I'm going to go check on the girls. Josh, why don't you take a shower."

Josh ran another hand through his hair feeling a sudden wave of dizziness wash over him. He watched his mother walk over to the girl's room and knock on the door. He sighed again and stood up, immediately regretting it. He felt himself sway and felt his knees give out below him. Jim grabbed his son's arm and wrapped his other around Josh's torso, "Easy Josh, I got you." Josh didn't have much time to express his 'thanks' because his stomach churned again and he found himself empting the contents of his stomach on the kitchen floor. When he finished he felt someone dragging him into the bathroom and once again found himself redecorating the inside of their toilet. Jim left Josh to heave by himself knowing the kid was probably more than embarrassed. He walked into Josh's room and grabbed some dry clothes from the dresser. He could hear Josh all the way down the hall and felt bad that the kid was sick but he deserved it; he got drunk and now he had to pay the consequences.

Josh finished and leaned against the back of the bathtub. His head was pounding and the light from the bathroom wasn't helping anything. His stomach turned again but he knew there was nothing left to throw up. His face was covered in sweat and if there was ever a time he regretted drinking, it was now. He felt dizzy again and closed his eyes hoping the sudden darkness would help his headache too. "Josh. Josh?" Josh opened his eyes to see his father squatting in front of him. Jim stared at his son; the kid was covered in sweat and he reeked of cheap alcohol and vomit. "Here" he said handing Josh the clothes he found in the teenager's room. He stood outside the bathroom so Josh could change.

When he walked back in Josh was sitting on the floor again, God he looked pitiful. Jim sighed and grabbed Josh's arm, "Come on kid; let's get you to bed." Josh allowed his dad to help him up and into his room. Once in his room, Josh collapsed onto his bed and rolled onto his back. Josh could hear Maddie, Zoe and his mom in the kitchen grabbing plates and forks and gossiping quietly about him. He guessed his mess was already cleaned up and figured his father probably had cleaned it up when he left Josh in the bathroom. His dad stood there for a second before turning the lights off and walking to the door.

"I'm sorry." He heard Josh say quietly. Jim turned back towards his son's bed, "I'm sorry… about everything." Josh continued. Jim walked over to Josh's bed and sat down. Jim ran a hand through his hair and sighed, "No Josh, I'm sorry. I didn't know you felt like I favored your sisters more because I don't. I love all of you the same and your right I can't just walk back in here and pretend like I know everything about you and pretend like nothing ever happened. And I am proud of you- so proud; you'll never be a disappointment in my eyes no matter how many idiotic things you do. But next time please just come to talk to me instead of going and getting drunk with Skye again." He got up and walked back over to the door. "It wasn't Skye." Josh whispered. Jim stopped and turned back again. He figured Skye had been the one who convinced Josh to get wasted; I mean she'd done it before. "What? I thought-"

"It wasn't Skye dad. She wasn't even there," Josh rolled onto his stomach, "I was at Boylan's… working and he got this new shipments of stuff… don't know what it was… it was from 2149. He asked if I wanted to try some, so I did." Jim felt anger rise in his chest. Not only had Boylan tricked Josh into robbing his mother but he had cheated his son into getting drunk. He couldn't believe that bastard would have the audacity to even try to mess with Josh again after last time. He was going to kill Boylan the next time he saw him. Josh waited for his father to say something but he didn't. He felt a wave of exhaustion wash over him and could tell he wouldn't be awake much longer. He would welcome sleep because it would give him a couple of hours without a headache or a queasy stomach.

"D-dad?" Josh asked hoping his father hadn't gone and attempted to kill his boss yet. "Yeah Josh?" he heard his father say from the door. He could hear his father shifting his weight from one foot to another and the soft pitter-patter from the rain outside. "It wasn't Boylan… he didn't trick me into drinking… I knew… I knew there was… alcohol in the drinks he gave me." Confusion settled across Jim's face. If Boylan didn't cheat Josh into drinking then why did he drink? "Then why did you get drunk Josh?" Josh shifted again to his back and stared lazily at the ceiling above, "Couldn't take it… didn't want… to feel anymore." Jim closed the door and walked over to Josh's bed and sat down again. He looked at the half-conscious teenager. What did Josh not want to feel? The kid was half asleep; no doubt the alcohol had drained him emotionally as well as physically. "What didn't you wanna feel kid?" Josh closed his eyes and let out a yawn, "Pain… love… loss." He felt his father run a hand through his hair and across the cut on his cheek from where someone had thrown a bottle at the wall behind Josh in an attempt to hit Boylan.

Josh felt himself drifting away and yawned. "I… miss… her." he whispered. Josh turned over on his stomach again feeling less awake than before. "Who do you miss Josh?" Jim asked as he placed a hand on his son's back. He felt like he already knew the answer but fingered he should ask anyway. Josh clutched the necklace around his neck and I an almost inaudible whisper said, "…miss… Kara."

Jim sat there on Josh's bed for a few more moments listening to his son drift off and his breathing even out. He knew Josh missed Kara more than anything and he had watched Josh beat himself up over her death; apparently he was still watching him do it. He figured Josh had gotten over it because he stopped talking about it- or maybe Jim had stopped listening- he didn't know. He ran another hand through Josh's hair; he looked so young still even though he was 17. He wasn't the same little kid that would run into his parent's bedroom when he had nightmares nor was he the same kid that use to tell his dad everything. Josh was right, something had changed while Jim was away and he didn't know what, he just silently hoped that it wasn't wordlessly killing his son. He grabbed the blanket that had fallen to the floor and spread it over Josh. The kid curled around the blanket still gripping the necklace Kara had given him. Jim leaned over and kissed the top of Josh's head and whispered 'love you' into the kid's ear before getting up and opening his door. "Goodnight Josh, we'll talk more about this tomorrow along with your punishment." Jim said quietly, watching as Josh slept. He heard another sigh and figured the kid didn't even hear him. He heard Maddie and Zoe chatting in the kitchen with Elizabeth and closed Josh's door and walked out into the kitchen to join the rest of his family.

Hey Guys! Thanks for reading my story; let me know what you think. I'm fairly new to writing FanFiction (not reading it). I plan on doing separate stories involving Josh and his family in Terra Nova. This is more than likely the last story involving a drunken Josh missing Kara. I was thinking about making Josh sick in the next chapter. Also if you read Once Upon a Time FanFiction I will be posting some soon along with some others. Most of my FanFiction's will involve "Hurt/Comfort" and "Family" because that is the genera I enjoy reading the most. Let me know if you have any ideas/ requests and what you think about this story! Thanks for reading!

XOXO

-Kasey


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